As all of you know I'm leaving this place soon, most probably Wednesday would be my last day here, just wanna talk to few people before I leave so waiting for them. I joined this place in May 2019 when I was 19, turned 20 in June. A simple, innocent, naive girl who didn't know anything about sexual stuff, who used to think if you are good people will be good too, who didn't have any male friends. Came on Zozo and stayed here out of loneliness.
I used to trust people easily back then and share my personal stuff. While chatting with one I got to know he stays near me, so we were like yeah let's meet and we met on 19 July, 2019. Guess where ? Outside College staffroom area, lol. His Zozo GF knew about our meet, we were just friends. And then had a second meet too with him, in College canteen, we talked, did a handshake (doing a handshake with a guy was a very big thing for me !!). We had fight later, stopped talking. Idk if I can ever recognize him or not.
Then there was a guy who said he likes me, and I told him clearly I don't look good , he'll be disappointed, as he was from Mumbai he wanted to meet me. I was like okay, the guy is decent ntg wrong in meeting. And we met on 20 March, 2020. We had a walk and talked for half hour, he gave me a side hug to which I couldn't react coz I didn't know how to hug a guy, haha. And after that meet, he started abusing me, in diff nicks, he said I look like shit, I don't have a proper job (I wasn't even a graduate back then), etc..
After few months, I started chatting with another guy from Hindi room (let's call him Dumbo - no user exists with this name, just an imaginary name), a guy who doesn't talk about sex, doesn't expect sex, so mature, polite, no drama, makes me smile. What else do we girls want ? I fell for him. We connected outside, got closer, still no sexual talks, nor any expectations like that from me, I started falling in love with him. We thought of meeting and had the first date of my life on 17 January, 2021. I was very shy and I thought he'd leave within 15 mins but he didn't. He tried making me comfortable. We kissed in our first meet, yeah I didn't know how to but I did, even though I wanted to stop him, I just couldn't. After couple of meets he touched me inappropriately, I was angry and I should have understood red flag by then but I melted down. We tried doing sexual stuff but I wasn't able to satisfy his physical needs. Ofc with my consent but I thought he'd the only one in my life so it's okay. He didn't share his things, nor gave commitment for marriage and I thought he just needs time to be comfortable. He used to motivate me for studies and feel good at times but didn't trust me ! He could remove his clothes but not say things about him which I should have been knowing as his Girlfriend. And when he finally understood that I'm not gonna give him the "satisfaction" his behaviour changed, fights and all blame on me. Giving me the tag of liar which I always proved wrong by showing screenshots and other stuff. I was completely away from Zozo, when I was with him. He started fighting more so much that he wanted me to leave and break up but I didn't give up, I stayed. He left for 2 months came back, apologized but by this time I was so numb. Ig he understood again that no matter what I can't and won't satisfy him, he fought over smtg (which he had lied) and left me on 12 July, 2022. I suffered so much, cried till a point where I couldn't breathe properly. I thought of killing myself, I felt so ashamed of myself that I got naked in front of someone.
And after that I came back to Zozo on 24 August, 2022 out of loneliness coz I couldn't take it. And tried staying away from sexual stuff. But people didn't talk to me the way they used to. During last year, I was going through smtg and felt so lonely, I even talked with the guys who disrespected me, threatened me, defamed me. I made Kachra of my self respect. I kept bold dps coz I wanted guys to talk to me, I was seeking attention but not main heroine hu wala attention, I wanted them to care and spend time with me, talk to me about things, ask me about my meals, calm me down and make me feel better. And yeah more guys started talking to me once I started keeping nude DPs. Then the thing happened (which I posted in my confession) and I fell into guilt. So much of guilt where I thought I should hurt myself physically coz what the hell I have done ? Am I so lusty that I ended up sexting with my friend's ex, just for some care ?? Is this the real me ?? This also lead me to a bad phase, where I couldn't breathe properly. But I continued sexting with few guys (till couple of months ago) not coz I felt lusty but coz I didn't want them to leave me and give me the attention and care. Even after all this the pain doesn't go away, so is this really what I want ? Nope !
Sexting to receive care isn't something that I should do. Why do I need to depend on others to feel okay ? Why do I expect things from others ? Why can't I learn myself how to be okay ? ZOZO isn't the solution to my bad phase in life. I'm someone who gets attached easily. Do I really want men to fuck me ? Do I want sex in real ? Nope. Then I need to learn how to be okay without depending on others, for that I should leave from here, or else I'll never change. This place has given me good and bad memories, which I'll never forget and I'll always remember Zozo and its people.....
I used to trust people easily back then and share my personal stuff. While chatting with one I got to know he stays near me, so we were like yeah let's meet and we met on 19 July, 2019. Guess where ? Outside College staffroom area, lol. His Zozo GF knew about our meet, we were just friends. And then had a second meet too with him, in College canteen, we talked, did a handshake (doing a handshake with a guy was a very big thing for me !!). We had fight later, stopped talking. Idk if I can ever recognize him or not.
Then there was a guy who said he likes me, and I told him clearly I don't look good , he'll be disappointed, as he was from Mumbai he wanted to meet me. I was like okay, the guy is decent ntg wrong in meeting. And we met on 20 March, 2020. We had a walk and talked for half hour, he gave me a side hug to which I couldn't react coz I didn't know how to hug a guy, haha. And after that meet, he started abusing me, in diff nicks, he said I look like shit, I don't have a proper job (I wasn't even a graduate back then), etc..
After few months, I started chatting with another guy from Hindi room (let's call him Dumbo - no user exists with this name, just an imaginary name), a guy who doesn't talk about sex, doesn't expect sex, so mature, polite, no drama, makes me smile. What else do we girls want ? I fell for him. We connected outside, got closer, still no sexual talks, nor any expectations like that from me, I started falling in love with him. We thought of meeting and had the first date of my life on 17 January, 2021. I was very shy and I thought he'd leave within 15 mins but he didn't. He tried making me comfortable. We kissed in our first meet, yeah I didn't know how to but I did, even though I wanted to stop him, I just couldn't. After couple of meets he touched me inappropriately, I was angry and I should have understood red flag by then but I melted down. We tried doing sexual stuff but I wasn't able to satisfy his physical needs. Ofc with my consent but I thought he'd the only one in my life so it's okay. He didn't share his things, nor gave commitment for marriage and I thought he just needs time to be comfortable. He used to motivate me for studies and feel good at times but didn't trust me ! He could remove his clothes but not say things about him which I should have been knowing as his Girlfriend. And when he finally understood that I'm not gonna give him the "satisfaction" his behaviour changed, fights and all blame on me. Giving me the tag of liar which I always proved wrong by showing screenshots and other stuff. I was completely away from Zozo, when I was with him. He started fighting more so much that he wanted me to leave and break up but I didn't give up, I stayed. He left for 2 months came back, apologized but by this time I was so numb. Ig he understood again that no matter what I can't and won't satisfy him, he fought over smtg (which he had lied) and left me on 12 July, 2022. I suffered so much, cried till a point where I couldn't breathe properly. I thought of killing myself, I felt so ashamed of myself that I got naked in front of someone.
And after that I came back to Zozo on 24 August, 2022 out of loneliness coz I couldn't take it. And tried staying away from sexual stuff. But people didn't talk to me the way they used to. During last year, I was going through smtg and felt so lonely, I even talked with the guys who disrespected me, threatened me, defamed me. I made Kachra of my self respect. I kept bold dps coz I wanted guys to talk to me, I was seeking attention but not main heroine hu wala attention, I wanted them to care and spend time with me, talk to me about things, ask me about my meals, calm me down and make me feel better. And yeah more guys started talking to me once I started keeping nude DPs. Then the thing happened (which I posted in my confession) and I fell into guilt. So much of guilt where I thought I should hurt myself physically coz what the hell I have done ? Am I so lusty that I ended up sexting with my friend's ex, just for some care ?? Is this the real me ?? This also lead me to a bad phase, where I couldn't breathe properly. But I continued sexting with few guys (till couple of months ago) not coz I felt lusty but coz I didn't want them to leave me and give me the attention and care. Even after all this the pain doesn't go away, so is this really what I want ? Nope !
Sexting to receive care isn't something that I should do. Why do I need to depend on others to feel okay ? Why do I expect things from others ? Why can't I learn myself how to be okay ? ZOZO isn't the solution to my bad phase in life. I'm someone who gets attached easily. Do I really want men to fuck me ? Do I want sex in real ? Nope. Then I need to learn how to be okay without depending on others, for that I should leave from here, or else I'll never change. This place has given me good and bad memories, which I'll never forget and I'll always remember Zozo and its people.....
Keep growing, keep learning 
