The moment you try to get answers, you are losing yourself.
The more clarity you desire to achive, the more underserving you feel about how the other soul thinks of you.
The pursuit to answers will leave you in no-man's land, and the time, effort, loss of peace of mind, are way too much to let go.
One thinks answers keep the at peace, something people call 'a proper closure' these days. But I sincerly seriously doubt that part.
There exists no closure. Accept, Acknowlede, Adapt and move on. It is not easy, nor it is impossible.
Your thoughs are what you want to think. People claim their mind plays with them. Yes, for someone who is unstable.
But if you are asking questions and having the basic sense to cross the road, then it is you who is controlling the mind, and thereby the thoughts.