Clingy " I don't care " stew
A dish made for those who "don't care" about you but somehow know your every move.
ingredients:
2 kg of jealousy finely chopped
1 cup of passive-aggressive seasoning
( liar's special )
3 cloves of "I don't even think about
you" (smashed but still lingering)
4 stalks of silent lurking diced
1 tablespoon of anonymous shade
(substitute with fake support if
necessary)
A pinch of "I'm only here to see you fail"
adjust to taste
2 cups of curiosity they refuse to admit
1 sprig of "I don't follow you but I saw"
3 drops of resentment extracted from an
old screenshot they swore they didn't
keep.
1L of fake laughter stirred slowly
until boilin.
instructions
How to create
" I don't care crowd "
Step 1:
Heat a large pot over medium heat DO NOT look around to see if anyone's watching you already know they are.. let the air fill with tension
Step 2:
Sauté the jealousy in its own juices until it
starts to sizzle then add the
passive-aggressive seasoning ..stir
aggressively while muttering "no just
randomly came across this"
Step 3:
Slowly add the silent lurking but don't stir too much... they prefer to sit at the bottom unnoticed but present if they start bubbling up turn down the heat just enough to let them think they're invisible again
Step 4:
Crush the cloves of "I don't even care" and
sprinkle them in the scent will immediately attract the ones who pretend they don't notice you
Step 5:
Pour in the curiosity and stir quickly
watching as it thickens into full blown
obsession If it starts overflowing just post something cryptic and watch it simmer back down
Step 6:
Add the sprig of "I don't follow you
but I saw.." and let it steep the aroma should fill the air with excuses and "coincidences"
Step 7:
Finally drizzle the resentment over the top then let the whole thing simmer for exactly 24 hours just long enough for them to pretend they move on but still come back "just to check "
Serve hot preferably with a side of
"I never think about you" energy and enjoy knowing that no matter how much they claim they're over it they'll be back
for another bite
The end .