Being a Sagittarius women I was very much fun loving, happy go lucky, kind, honest, speak my mind and live and love my life to the fullest
All my zozo brothers and friends look up to me for sharing their problems and asking for suggestions!
That's all become history.....
Now
Even a simple task like smiling becomes a Herculean work to accomplish..
Now I am going through a peculiar kind of anxiety and fear , that anxiety might be called as "The scenario of paranoia', i don't think i am having a Clinical paranoia, or paranoid personality disorder?!
But I am playing a game with my mind "What-if" ..What - if game..I worry a lot about the situation in the future, something that hasn't happened yet , and instead of visualizing the positive outcome, i start to think about all the negative scenarios that could happen!!
Everyone experiences fear and worry. They are a part of our survival traits. After all, if we don't fear something dangerous, we're much less likely to avoid it.
But in my case I have been hurt so many times in the past, where i thought someone is my family and they have gone disappeared, besties become strangers and few close people declared themselves as DEAD... and yeah when they went it's not just a feeling of MISSING..i felt extreme pain as if someone stabbed in my heart before they leave...yes extreme..i hold a very extreme personality..i feel everything very deeply..few times it helped me.. but most of the times I ended up hurting myself!!
Ofcourse Time and life has funny ways of teaching us..they all came back and enjoying their chat time..end of the day ..this is zozo ..very very magnetic!!
Now I am afraid of attachments, as soon as something starts making me happy and i start realizing i am getting attached to it, i feel like i want to run away...
Because I feel
I don't deserve to be this happy, so something is going to happen and this happiness will be taken away from me.i will
RUN and protect myself from this attachment before i end up getting hurt like always.
In the process i fight with the people i LOVE the most, i hurt them, i use words that they don't want to hear, i irritate them,i accuse them finally hurt MYSELF and come back!!
To my surprise my mind not playing What - if game in the real world, in zozo i feel few people are really close to my heart ..and i don't want to loose them at any cost..but this is virtual site, people come and go..it's a journey..when they get their stop - they get down..no one can and should stop them.....
That scares me!!
That frightens me!!
What - if............
What -if..............
All my zozo brothers and friends look up to me for sharing their problems and asking for suggestions!
That's all become history.....
Now
Even a simple task like smiling becomes a Herculean work to accomplish..
Now I am going through a peculiar kind of anxiety and fear , that anxiety might be called as "The scenario of paranoia', i don't think i am having a Clinical paranoia, or paranoid personality disorder?!
But I am playing a game with my mind "What-if" ..What - if game..I worry a lot about the situation in the future, something that hasn't happened yet , and instead of visualizing the positive outcome, i start to think about all the negative scenarios that could happen!!
Everyone experiences fear and worry. They are a part of our survival traits. After all, if we don't fear something dangerous, we're much less likely to avoid it.
But in my case I have been hurt so many times in the past, where i thought someone is my family and they have gone disappeared, besties become strangers and few close people declared themselves as DEAD... and yeah when they went it's not just a feeling of MISSING..i felt extreme pain as if someone stabbed in my heart before they leave...yes extreme..i hold a very extreme personality..i feel everything very deeply..few times it helped me.. but most of the times I ended up hurting myself!!
Ofcourse Time and life has funny ways of teaching us..they all came back and enjoying their chat time..end of the day ..this is zozo ..very very magnetic!!
Now I am afraid of attachments, as soon as something starts making me happy and i start realizing i am getting attached to it, i feel like i want to run away...
Because I feel
I don't deserve to be this happy, so something is going to happen and this happiness will be taken away from me.i will
RUN and protect myself from this attachment before i end up getting hurt like always.
In the process i fight with the people i LOVE the most, i hurt them, i use words that they don't want to hear, i irritate them,i accuse them finally hurt MYSELF and come back!!
To my surprise my mind not playing What - if game in the real world, in zozo i feel few people are really close to my heart ..and i don't want to loose them at any cost..but this is virtual site, people come and go..it's a journey..when they get their stop - they get down..no one can and should stop them.....
That scares me!!
That frightens me!!
What - if............
What -if..............
