Welcome to the club
@Sailu
Well, what you are experiencing is truth
And you are feeling pain because you can't accept it
Indeed, your existence doesn't matter to anyone (at least not really)
Indeed, your presence doesn't add up to anything
Indeed, your absence doesn't create any void
It is the ultimate truth, you are just a speck of that in the universe so is everybody
The universe can live without you, it was there before you, it will be after you
I am assuming you felt those things because you are comparing your life with someone else's.
So the people you are comparing yourself with, the people you are seeking love from, are they happy?
Well, in your perspective they are.
But what if their reality is changed? What if they are all in a much worse situation than you to begin with?
Now when you compare them with yourself, you feel better, you feel happy.
So what changed? You are the same Sailu, your reality is never changed, not even a single bit, but you are feeling better. Why is that?
So you hold the key to your happiness, isn't it? By comparing with people who are better than you, you can never be happy and grow. Comparing yourself with those who are worse than you can make you feel better but it doesn't really help you grow. The only comparison that can grow you as a person and can you make you really happy, is a comparison with your past self. Compare yourself with your past self, if you are in a better position, you are happy, if you are not in a better situation, time for some self-reflection.
Remember all those tough days you have been through, remember how you overcome your demons. If you are capable of being happy in the past, you are capable of that in the present too, so does in the future. If you are never been happy in your life, all the more reason for you to be happy, isn't it? I mean you are already sad, so you can do whatever you do and whatever you do, it won't make you more sad but it always has a chance of making you happy and better. If you think that it can make you more sad, that means you are less sad now, hence you are in a better situation, isn't it? So isn't it gives you a reason to be happy, to put a smile on your face??
We came into this world with nothing. We were so happy as kids, a little candy could get us excited. It is us who wanted more because we started comparing ourselves with someone else and started dreaming of things. There is nothing wrong with that, but in that process, we always forget those little things that made us happy. So when we fail, we become sad and depressing. Nobody wants a sad person, nobody wants to be around a sad person. So if you want to be wanted by other people, the only possible way to achieve is to be happy. Only if you are happy, you can make other people happy. You can't give what you don't have to others. So be happy, find those little things that make you happy. Once you are happy, you can make people happy, so that people will want you. Even if they don't, at least you will be happy, isn't it enough??
I mean what is the point if you are so successful but a sad person? It doesn't make any sense.
And don't worry about the others, no matter what they do they are just gonna end up forgotten just as you and I. Oblivion is inevitable for everybody. So they are not adding up to anything too. Let me throw some Hazel Grace as she can explain this in short.
If you didn't watch "The Fault in Our Stars" movie, you should watch it, it is a very good movie.
Excuse me if I am not making any sense, my brain is like a wild bunny, it always hops here and there
What I mean to say is, don't stress yourself too much.
Nobody is born with a glorious purpose, there is no glorious purpose to life except to be happy, to achieve peace
I hope whatever I said is not depressing, is it depressing??
