Jokes - Sep 2021
- Thread starter Deepak Kiran
- Start date
A letter from a teacher to a parent:
Dear Parent, your son doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him !
Parent's answer :
Dear teacher, My son is not a rose, don't smell him....teach him...!
Dear Parent, your son doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him !
Parent's answer :
Dear teacher, My son is not a rose, don't smell him....teach him...!
Medical College Professor to a girl student : "Which human body part expands 5 times its normal size...?"
Girl Student : "Sir I can't answer this question, it's too embarrassing...
Professor asked the same question to a male student.
Male Student : "It's the Pupil of a human eye..."
Professor : "Correct."
Then Professor turned to the female student and said : "Listen lady, Not only your thinking is wrong but your expectations are also very high...5 times is too much...!!! "
Girl Student : "Sir I can't answer this question, it's too embarrassing...
Professor asked the same question to a male student.
Male Student : "It's the Pupil of a human eye..."
Professor : "Correct."
Then Professor turned to the female student and said : "Listen lady, Not only your thinking is wrong but your expectations are also very high...5 times is too much...!!! "
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said "Madam, I should be in 4th grade, I'm smarter than my sister and she's in 4th grade".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from 4th grade
Principal: What is 3+3=
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6=?
Boy: 12
The boy got all questions right. The principal then told the Madam to send the boy to 4th grade immediately.
Madam decided to ask him questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of, that I've only 2?
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in your pants that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge)
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I?
Boy: Tent
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first? What am I?
Boy: Wedding ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
Boy: Nose
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. What am I?
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam 'Send this motherfucker to the university.....even i got all wrong
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from 4th grade
Principal: What is 3+3=
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6=?
Boy: 12
The boy got all questions right. The principal then told the Madam to send the boy to 4th grade immediately.
Madam decided to ask him questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of, that I've only 2?
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in your pants that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge)
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I?
Boy: Tent
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first? What am I?
Boy: Wedding ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
Boy: Nose
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. What am I?
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam 'Send this motherfucker to the university.....even i got all wrong
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said "Madam, I should be in 4th grade, I'm smarter than my sister and she's in 4th grade".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from 4th grade
Principal: What is 3+3=
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6=?
Boy: 12
The boy got all questions right. The principal then told the Madam to send the boy to 4th grade immediately.
Madam decided to ask him questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of, that I've only 2?
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in your pants that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?
(The principal's eyes open really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge)
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am I?
Boy: Tent
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first? What am I?
Boy: Wedding ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?
Boy: Nose
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. What am I?
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends with a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam 'Send this motherfucker to the university.....even i got all wrong
Uffffffffffff
Mike & Dora on chat
Mike : Hi dear.
Dora :
Mike : How are you .??
Dora :
Mike : Missing me..?
Dora :
Mike : I'm not feeling well...
Dora :
Mike : How was your day..?
Dora :
Mike : Are you busy.??
Dora :
Mike : Why ?? What are you doing ??
Dora:
Mike : Is there anyone near you..?
Dora :
Mike : Why don't you reply in words? Why are you using smiley faces?
Dora :-
Mike : I heard you failed in English?
Dora: Who telled you ? It is unpossible.. I went to saw the resalt yestathey... I Passed away all my educations
Mike : Hmmm lets go back to smileys pls
Dora:- ok dear, God blast u.
Mike : Hi dear.
Dora :
Mike : How are you .??
Dora :
Mike : Missing me..?
Dora :
Mike : I'm not feeling well...
Dora :
Mike : How was your day..?
Dora :
Mike : Are you busy.??
Dora :
Mike : Why ?? What are you doing ??
Dora:
Mike : Is there anyone near you..?
Dora :
Mike : Why don't you reply in words? Why are you using smiley faces?
Dora :-
Mike : I heard you failed in English?
Dora: Who telled you ? It is unpossible.. I went to saw the resalt yestathey... I Passed away all my educations
Mike : Hmmm lets go back to smileys pls
Dora:- ok dear, God blast u.
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Boy drops girl at home, he puts his hand on the wall by the gate for support, leans towards her.
BOY : Can I kiss you?
GIRL: Not now, I'm at home.
BOY : Please.
GIRL: No.
BOY : You were too sweet in bed today.
GIRL: Woooow! You too, full of energy. I could not believe we had four rounds.
BOY : Let me kiss you good night.
GIRL: Som1 may be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home.
This goes on for ten minutes, then the girl's brother appears at the gate and says "Dad says whether you kiss him or not, its your decision,
but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone in the house is listening to your conversation
and you've disturbed the prayer meeting
BOY : Can I kiss you?
GIRL: Not now, I'm at home.
BOY : Please.
GIRL: No.
BOY : You were too sweet in bed today.
GIRL: Woooow! You too, full of energy. I could not believe we had four rounds.
BOY : Let me kiss you good night.
GIRL: Som1 may be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home.
This goes on for ten minutes, then the girl's brother appears at the gate and says "Dad says whether you kiss him or not, its your decision,
but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone in the house is listening to your conversation
and you've disturbed the prayer meeting
Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour & decided to go to a calm place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting: "We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U".....
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.......................
"Father, pls come with me . Come & witness God & satan sharing corpse at the cemetery"......
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For U, One For Me, One For U'............
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
"What About The Two At The Gate?"...........
The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting: "We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".