The day has come where I have to serve 2 days in jail, and I choose a weekend to do so. A day before the actual sentence there was prep class where I was given all the instructions of what to do and what not to do and what to wear. Thought I would be given an orange suite just like prison break series or don movie but was disappointed to hear that I must get my own white dress! Lol. Was given instructions on how to avoid sodomization and what defensive steps I need to take and how to report them.
I went to the county penitentiary (like a district sub jail) on the scheduled date and time. The routine breathalyzer and urine tests were done and walked into the assembly area where I was instructed to get undress. I was just on underwear, but the jailer asked me to remove that too and asked me squat. Ok done! And he asked me to cough!! I was surprised and thinking why I have to cough, and before my thought process even completed, he ordered again, “Do what you are instructed to do sir, no questions asked”. Ok, Done! Later, I realized, he was checking whether I am hiding something in my arse! Fair enough point!
I was into my designated cell, well actually its not a cell but a bigger room with 20 bunk beds, a tv, chess board, carroms table, two shelves of books, two decks of playing cards! Hmm not bad. Better than what I imagined. Cell mates greeted me like a bro, what’s up bro – how long? They asked after the fist bumps. When I said 2 days, few said with a smile – “weekender” then, it will be fast you don’t even realize will be done in jiffy. Their comment reminded me of “day scholar’ college days lol. Pick any bed that is available and settle in they said. Few of the cell mates in chains to their ankles with GPS monitoring devices but they don’t look like blood thirsty monsters to me but just normal people whose fate was twisted.
Even in my mandatory classes I met lot of people who are branded as addicts and heard their stories. All heart wrenching stories and how they ended up like this and what they wanted to do to come out of this and make a bright future for them and their families. People are eventually chained to their cobwebs and destinies!
I slowly settled into a top corner bed and tried to sleep but couldn’t given the new place and the hard metal bottom of the bed. Got down and picked up randomly two books 1) Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom and 2) Healing the shame that binds you by John Bradshaw (both are wonderful books)
By the time I finished the chapter “Death” from Tuesdays with Morrie, my heart has become very heavy and suddenly tasted my tears rolling down the cheeks onto my lips. I didn’t realize I was crying, by the time I did I started crying my heart out without letting any sound. Ever cried like that? The feeling of someone squeezing out every drop of blood from your heart? I cried and cried some more! I cried not because how ended up here, but what would have happened to my family had I died on that day in the crash! I am the only bread winner in my family where my parents and younger brother are completely depended on me. What a shame if I had died! I got up and washed my face with warn water as I can’t cry anymore. Felt some relief! That was the first time I cried as an adult!!
When it was about lunch time, cell mates started telling me, hey bro- today meatloaf will be served, that’s for me and I give you my biscuit in exchange, mashed potato for me- someone said. These guys seriously getting starved for good food! Should I invite them for lunch when they are out of jail? Played game of chess and watched NBA game and back to my bed to finish the two books. Night passed and was able to get some sleep as I was adjusted to the bed. Made a mental note of what to do and what not to do when I am out. How to pull the life back on tracks with minimal corrective actions and how to implement what I have learnt so far out of this great opportunity. Everything happened for a reason, of course?! Had I not committed this crime, I would have been still driving the car or bike in drunken state and would have died by this time!
People, neither good nor bad. They just behave out of their experiences and the struggles they go through, and we cannot brand or slice them with a single trait that’s visible to us because we never know what war they are fighting internally. I chanted this prayer during my AA classes though I am not believer of existence of God, but it gave some semblance.
Everyone in life fight their dark demons in one way or the other and they are not they appeared to be. There lies the endless the tale of endless plight and the struggles in every darkest night. We question why all the times through the joys and tears of mental agony, but the hope is very distant and far away to make us free. This Human Spirit – what a beast! We pull up ourselves somehow in broken dreams through wounded pride. There is nothing we can do except to cherish every scar which mark the paths that we have travelled. That’s a journey everyone goes through and at the same time we never know what kind of agony the other person going through. The whole nine yards of this experience gave me an opportunity to understand the human behavior where in the world love is mostly fake and the hatred is real.
As soon as I am out of all this Ignition Interlock punishment and completing all the mandatory trainings that I had to complete, I was kind of overwhelming stage and wanted to have a break very badly and took 4 weeks break out of which I spent 10 days in Vipassana Meditation.
This was a wonderful experience where you will spend all the 10 days in isolation just only doing meditation, no connections to the outer world in anyway, no mobile phone, no book reading, not looking into any ones eyes ( group members) and an hour of Narayan Goenka’s discourses ( YouTube for the discourses if interested, at first you may not like, but keep listening to it, you might like ) at the end of the day. It was search into inner soul and self-retrospection. And spent 20 days on a road trip – I just literally drove from south to north coast-to-coast without any concrete plan!
This incident will be in my criminal record for at least 7 years and pops up in any employer’s background verification if apply for any new jobs and became a hurdle in my legal status in naturalization process.
In the meantime, my boss left the company and one fine day he gave me a call asking whether I am interested in working for him. I said NO, as I do not want to change my work location. He offered me complete remote option with a clause that no one would change that even if he changes his job in future. Few bosses end up as lifelong friends and he is one of them.
That’s my journey which defined me and wanted to share this because, it might be helpful for any immigrant living away from their native countries.
END OF “ BLOOD WRATH AND BEYOND”
~EkaLustYa
30-MAY-2024
I went to the county penitentiary (like a district sub jail) on the scheduled date and time. The routine breathalyzer and urine tests were done and walked into the assembly area where I was instructed to get undress. I was just on underwear, but the jailer asked me to remove that too and asked me squat. Ok done! And he asked me to cough!! I was surprised and thinking why I have to cough, and before my thought process even completed, he ordered again, “Do what you are instructed to do sir, no questions asked”. Ok, Done! Later, I realized, he was checking whether I am hiding something in my arse! Fair enough point!
I was into my designated cell, well actually its not a cell but a bigger room with 20 bunk beds, a tv, chess board, carroms table, two shelves of books, two decks of playing cards! Hmm not bad. Better than what I imagined. Cell mates greeted me like a bro, what’s up bro – how long? They asked after the fist bumps. When I said 2 days, few said with a smile – “weekender” then, it will be fast you don’t even realize will be done in jiffy. Their comment reminded me of “day scholar’ college days lol. Pick any bed that is available and settle in they said. Few of the cell mates in chains to their ankles with GPS monitoring devices but they don’t look like blood thirsty monsters to me but just normal people whose fate was twisted.
Even in my mandatory classes I met lot of people who are branded as addicts and heard their stories. All heart wrenching stories and how they ended up like this and what they wanted to do to come out of this and make a bright future for them and their families. People are eventually chained to their cobwebs and destinies!
I slowly settled into a top corner bed and tried to sleep but couldn’t given the new place and the hard metal bottom of the bed. Got down and picked up randomly two books 1) Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom and 2) Healing the shame that binds you by John Bradshaw (both are wonderful books)
By the time I finished the chapter “Death” from Tuesdays with Morrie, my heart has become very heavy and suddenly tasted my tears rolling down the cheeks onto my lips. I didn’t realize I was crying, by the time I did I started crying my heart out without letting any sound. Ever cried like that? The feeling of someone squeezing out every drop of blood from your heart? I cried and cried some more! I cried not because how ended up here, but what would have happened to my family had I died on that day in the crash! I am the only bread winner in my family where my parents and younger brother are completely depended on me. What a shame if I had died! I got up and washed my face with warn water as I can’t cry anymore. Felt some relief! That was the first time I cried as an adult!!
When it was about lunch time, cell mates started telling me, hey bro- today meatloaf will be served, that’s for me and I give you my biscuit in exchange, mashed potato for me- someone said. These guys seriously getting starved for good food! Should I invite them for lunch when they are out of jail? Played game of chess and watched NBA game and back to my bed to finish the two books. Night passed and was able to get some sleep as I was adjusted to the bed. Made a mental note of what to do and what not to do when I am out. How to pull the life back on tracks with minimal corrective actions and how to implement what I have learnt so far out of this great opportunity. Everything happened for a reason, of course?! Had I not committed this crime, I would have been still driving the car or bike in drunken state and would have died by this time!
People, neither good nor bad. They just behave out of their experiences and the struggles they go through, and we cannot brand or slice them with a single trait that’s visible to us because we never know what war they are fighting internally. I chanted this prayer during my AA classes though I am not believer of existence of God, but it gave some semblance.
PRAYER FOR SERENITY
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen!!!
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen!!!
Everyone in life fight their dark demons in one way or the other and they are not they appeared to be. There lies the endless the tale of endless plight and the struggles in every darkest night. We question why all the times through the joys and tears of mental agony, but the hope is very distant and far away to make us free. This Human Spirit – what a beast! We pull up ourselves somehow in broken dreams through wounded pride. There is nothing we can do except to cherish every scar which mark the paths that we have travelled. That’s a journey everyone goes through and at the same time we never know what kind of agony the other person going through. The whole nine yards of this experience gave me an opportunity to understand the human behavior where in the world love is mostly fake and the hatred is real.
As soon as I am out of all this Ignition Interlock punishment and completing all the mandatory trainings that I had to complete, I was kind of overwhelming stage and wanted to have a break very badly and took 4 weeks break out of which I spent 10 days in Vipassana Meditation.
This was a wonderful experience where you will spend all the 10 days in isolation just only doing meditation, no connections to the outer world in anyway, no mobile phone, no book reading, not looking into any ones eyes ( group members) and an hour of Narayan Goenka’s discourses ( YouTube for the discourses if interested, at first you may not like, but keep listening to it, you might like ) at the end of the day. It was search into inner soul and self-retrospection. And spent 20 days on a road trip – I just literally drove from south to north coast-to-coast without any concrete plan!
This incident will be in my criminal record for at least 7 years and pops up in any employer’s background verification if apply for any new jobs and became a hurdle in my legal status in naturalization process.
In the meantime, my boss left the company and one fine day he gave me a call asking whether I am interested in working for him. I said NO, as I do not want to change my work location. He offered me complete remote option with a clause that no one would change that even if he changes his job in future. Few bosses end up as lifelong friends and he is one of them.
That’s my journey which defined me and wanted to share this because, it might be helpful for any immigrant living away from their native countries.
END OF “ BLOOD WRATH AND BEYOND”
~EkaLustYa
30-MAY-2024
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