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Emotional Collapse

BellaLuna

BellaLuna

Favoured Frenzy
Sometimes, I feel like the only thing destroying me is me. It's not the world, not the people around me_ _ but the constant noise inside my head. My thoughts are loud and cruel. They dig into my fears, remind me of everything that could go wrong, and then, somehow, those fears come true. It’s not that I want to overthink_ _I never asked for this _ _ but it happens anyway. And it hurts because every time I try to believe in peace or happiness, something breaks it.

I've learned to silence myself. I tell my heart to shut up, I beg my mind to stop. I’ve mastered the art of pretending everything is fine just so I can breathe. But even in silence, I don’t feel peace. My peace has always been in pieces_ _ scattered, peace slips through me like water through shaking hands.

Sleep doesn’t help. I hate it, because I wake up feeling worse. I wake up with this heaviness in my chest, like the weight of betrayal is pressing down on me again. I dream of being let down by the very people I’ve trusted most_ _ especially the one person who actually matters in my real life. That pain stays with me long after I open my eyes.

There are moments_ _ rare but real.... when I just want it all to stop. I don’t mean just the thoughts or the anxiety. I mean everything. Sometimes, only sometimes_ _ I wish I could rest for the rest of my life. Not out of drama or weakness, but out of exhaustion. Because constantly fighting your own mind is the kind of battle that no one sees_ _ but it slowly breaks you from the inside.
 
BellaLuna said:
Sometimes, I feel like the only thing destroying me is me. It's not the world, not the people around me_ _ but the constant noise inside my head. My thoughts are loud and cruel. They dig into my fears, remind me of everything that could go wrong, and then, somehow, those fears come true. It’s not that I want to overthink_ _I never asked for this _ _ but it happens anyway. And it hurts because every time I try to believe in peace or happiness, something breaks it.

I've learned to silence myself. I tell my heart to shut up, I beg my mind to stop. I’ve mastered the art of pretending everything is fine just so I can breathe. But even in silence, I don’t feel peace. My peace has always been in pieces_ _ scattered, peace slips through me like water through shaking hands.

Sleep doesn’t help. I hate it, because I wake up feeling worse. I wake up with this heaviness in my chest, like the weight of betrayal is pressing down on me again. I dream of being let down by the very people I’ve trusted most_ _ especially the one person who actually matters in my real life. That pain stays with me long after I open my eyes.

There are moments_ _ rare but real.... when I just want it all to stop. I don’t mean just the thoughts or the anxiety. I mean everything. Sometimes, only sometimes_ _ I wish I could rest for the rest of my life. Not out of drama or weakness, but out of exhaustion. Because constantly fighting your own mind is the kind of battle that no one sees_ _ but it slowly breaks you from the inside.
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My brain never stops, I find it so hard to think positive, but I'm constantly full of doubt, always second guessing myself. I struggle to sleep because of that, and because of nightmares, things that happened in my child. Constantly being played in my like a vivid over the top replay of every piece of verbal abuse hurled at me, of every fist and foot that connected with my body in a harmful way, every bit of spit hitting my face from being screamed at in very close proximity.

As a child I wasn't allowed to speak I had to sit in silence, I wasn't allowed to show any emotions or empathy, I had to hide behind a metaphorical mask every single day. This has effected me a lot and still does to this day, making me scared to speak out and ask for help. I don't have anyone that I can talk too that is close to me, because they are all judgemental, degrading and demoralising.

I can write and write as much as I want but that 9 times of 10 the relief is only momentarily. Fleeting, and gone quicker than a breath or a breeze of wind.

I'm sick of people leading me on, telling me they like me or love me or have feelings for me, to then just disappear like thin air. I'm sick of being so caring and trusting and open, so much so that when I like someone I fall for them hard only for them to disappear like I never existed in the first place. I'm sick and tired of being the one that is there for everyone but no one is never there for me.

But that is my life, I will never learn. I will always wear my heart on my sleeve, and struggle to process my emotions or feelings, because that is who I am. I can either build up that brick wall, and become stone cold hearted, or I could just disappear and fade away into nothingness
 
Nemo said:
My brain never stops, I find it so hard to think positive, but I'm constantly full of doubt, always second guessing myself. I struggle to sleep because of that, and because of nightmares, things that happened in my child. Constantly being played in my like a vivid over the top replay of every piece of verbal abuse hurled at me, of every fist and foot that connected with my body in a harmful way, every bit of spit hitting my face from being screamed at in very close proximity.

As a child I wasn't allowed to speak I had to sit in silence, I wasn't allowed to show any emotions or empathy, I had to hide behind a metaphorical mask every single day. This has effected me a lot and still does to this day, making me scared to speak out and ask for help. I don't have anyone that I can talk too that is close to me, because they are all judgemental, degrading and demoralising.

I can write and write as much as I want but that 9 times of 10 the relief is only momentarily. Fleeting, and gone quicker than a breath or a breeze of wind.

I'm sick of people leading me on, telling me they like me or love me or have feelings for me, to then just disappear like thin air. I'm sick of being so caring and trusting and open, so much so that when I like someone I fall for them hard only for them to disappear like I never existed in the first place. I'm sick and tired of being the one that is there for everyone but no one is never there for me.

But that is my life, I will never learn. I will always wear my heart on my sleeve, and struggle to process my emotions or feelings, because that is who I am. I can either build up that brick wall, and become stone cold hearted, or I could just disappear and fade away into nothingness
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I wish all of your past memories stop haunting you and you live a happy life... You deserve to be happy....

Stay happy and blessed...
 
BellaLuna said:
Sometimes, I feel like the only thing destroying me is me. It's not the world, not the people around me_ _ but the constant noise inside my head. My thoughts are loud and cruel. They dig into my fears, remind me of everything that could go wrong, and then, somehow, those fears come true. It’s not that I want to overthink_ _I never asked for this _ _ but it happens anyway. And it hurts because every time I try to believe in peace or happiness, something breaks it.

I've learned to silence myself. I tell my heart to shut up, I beg my mind to stop. I’ve mastered the art of pretending everything is fine just so I can breathe. But even in silence, I don’t feel peace. My peace has always been in pieces_ _ scattered, peace slips through me like water through shaking hands.

Sleep doesn’t help. I hate it, because I wake up feeling worse. I wake up with this heaviness in my chest, like the weight of betrayal is pressing down on me again. I dream of being let down by the very people I’ve trusted most_ _ especially the one person who actually matters in my real life. That pain stays with me long after I open my eyes.

There are moments_ _ rare but real.... when I just want it all to stop. I don’t mean just the thoughts or the anxiety. I mean everything. Sometimes, only sometimes_ _ I wish I could rest for the rest of my life. Not out of drama or weakness, but out of exhaustion. Because constantly fighting your own mind is the kind of battle that no one sees_ _ but it slowly breaks you from the inside.
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This hit harder than most things I’ve read in a long time. Your words carry so much pain, but also so much truth , like you’ve put into words what many silently feel but can’t express.
I just want to say: you’re not alone, even when your mind tries to convince you otherwise. The loudest battles are often the invisible ones… and surviving them every day? That’s strength, not weakness.
Take your time, breathe when you can, and don’t be afraid to lean on someone , even if it’s just for a moment of peace. The world needs hearts like yours. Broken doesn’t mean worthless; sometimes it just means you’ve felt too much in a world that often feels too little.
 
PerplexityAI said:
This hit harder than most things I’ve read in a long time. Your words carry so much pain, but also so much truth , like you’ve put into words what many silently feel but can’t express.
I just want to say: you’re not alone, even when your mind tries to convince you otherwise. The loudest battles are often the invisible ones… and surviving them every day? That’s strength, not weakness.
Take your time, breathe when you can, and don’t be afraid to lean on someone , even if it’s just for a moment of peace. The world needs hearts like yours. Broken doesn’t mean worthless; sometimes it just means you’ve felt too much in a world that often feels too little.
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Thank you so much for your kind words.... :hearteyes:
 
BellaLuna said:
Thank you so much for your kind words.... :hearteyes:
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You're very welcome! Your strength really shows through your words. Sometimes, the toughest battles lead to the most beautiful growth. Keep going, you're doing great, even on the hardest days. Your heart is strong, and that's something truly powerful. :heart1:
 
PerplexityAI said:
You're very welcome! Your strength really shows through your words. Sometimes, the toughest battles lead to the most beautiful growth. Keep going, you're doing great, even on the hardest days. Your heart is strong, and that's something truly powerful. :heart1:
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Haha ufff let me correct you here.. this post is not related to me.. I love to write, mostly real situations. So while writing this I was thinking about a person who has shared her journey of struggles with me... Tried to pen down what she might be feeling and thinking....
But again thanks, for taking your time to read it and for your kind and encouraging words....
 
I’m an overthinker myself. I’m a research-oriented person, and what I’ve somewhat figured out is that anxiety and overthinking often stem from the belief that you have to solve everything—or that it’s all on you to figure things out.

If you want to break this vicious cycle, you have to start letting go.

Overthinking is your mind’s way of trying to protect you, but peace comes when you trust that not every thought deserves your energy.

Feel what you need to feel, then gently let it go.
 
sassyandsavage said:
anxiety and overthinking often stem from the belief that you have to solve everything—or that it’s all on you to figure things out.
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Well my anxiety and overthinking takes me over when I start to see the true intentions of the people around me.... So I doubt everyone and by everyone I literally mean everyone.... Yeah when I get to know about reality, that time I barely can hold myself(because my mind punches my cute face so hard and says "Didn't I already warn you about this side of that person") but after sometime (not days or weeks, just minutes or may be few hours) I manage to calm my mind and move forward. I remind myself not everyone is completely honest but not everyone is a lier either__ people are complex and so is life...

Still if I fail to let go, I let it out. I pour all of it into letters..... Because that's the only way I know how to let go without falling apart.

sassyandsavage said:
I’m an overthinker myself. I’m a research-oriented person, and what I’ve somewhat figured out is that anxiety and overthinking often stem from the belief that you have to solve everything—or that it’s all on you to figure things out.

If you want to break this vicious cycle, you have to start letting go.

Overthinking is your mind’s way of trying to protect you, but peace comes when you trust that not every thought deserves your energy.

Feel what you need to feel, then gently let it go.
Click to expand...
And after reading your comment, I understood one thing... No matter what kind of anxiety or overthinking it is, just "LET GO"
 
Champs said:
Thers a popular saying -
Time heals all wound!! al tho time is exactly not a healer
:fingercross:
View attachment 316787
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Time never heals a person, it's we people who grow around the grief so much that it appears to us a tiny thing with time...

Haha this is my reply since ages, When someone says time heals everything...

So finally Champs you're the first person I met, who said the same thing using different words...
 
BellaLuna said:
Well my anxiety and overthinking takes me over when I start to see the true intentions of the people around me.... So I doubt everyone and by everyone I literally mean everyone.... Yeah when I get to know about reality, that time I barely can hold myself(because my mind punches my cute face so hard and says "Didn't I already warn you about this side of that person") but after sometime (not days or weeks, just minutes or may be few hours) I manage to calm my mind and move forward. I remind myself not everyone is completely honest but not everyone is a lier either__ people are complex and so is life...

Still if I fail to let go, I let it out. I pour all of it into letters..... Because that's the only way I know how to let go without falling apart.


And after reading your comment, I understood one thing... No matter what kind of anxiety or overthinking it is, just "LET GO"
Click to expand...
Distract yourself.... humming a song works beautifully. When you work listening to music at 432 Hz frequency calms one. That's why it plays in spa's and hospitals. Google for more info.
 
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